Sunday, November 05, 2006

An imagination run wild.

I have a vast imagination, always have for as long as I can remember. Just ask my family. My sister would gladly tell you of a time when I would pretend to be a lion or a tiger, imagining myself to be so ferocious that I would have to be caged by the sturdy, impenetrable walls of a laundry basket.

My imagination has since been diluted due to age and a good dose of reality. Nevertheless, I find myself more engrossed in a vivid world of imagination than most at my age. In today's case, my imagination took me five months from now.

In my mind's eye, I imagined what the apartment would look like, specifically in the corner of the living room where the wall with the window and the wall with the front door intersect. There, where the Christmas tree presently stands, stood instead a pack n' play. I saw myself hovering over it, looking done at a very young baby girl, stretching her little wiry arms and legs in awkward directions. As baby Hana Niah woke up I slightly bent over, reaching one hand to gently place under her head and another just under her tiny body. She curled slightly in my arms as I brought her close to me, possibly due to my cold hands. I held her close, her head gently resting on my shoulder, not yet able to hold it up on her own. My mind then seemed to repeat the action of me laying her gently back down and picking her up in the same way I had before. It was the most precious thought I have yet had about our little girl. My thoughts then drifted, and I realized how much more precious it will be when I can actually pick my daughter up in my arms. I'm so ready to be able to hold her, to no longer have to imagine. I'm ready to see the expression of everyone that's anticipating her birth when she finally is born.

For now, I simply enjoy getting to feel her occasional kicking, or seeing her kick from inside her mommy, making a little bulge for a short instant. I thank God every day for her. Now I just pray that He gives me the patience I need to wait for her arrival.

Stay tuned.

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